I didn't go on the field for the kickoff. #New mnf games cracked free crack#MILLER: The ref is whipping out that flag like it's the only lighter at a crack house.įOUTS: I was the quarterback. MICHAELS: Sorry to break in on you, Dennis, but Washington is guilty of a false start, and that will set them back another five yards. You've got a better shot at hearing Charlie Sheen give the keynote address at a Promise Keepers rally than you do of ever. The left side of the field is to George as a shower is to the French. That receiver is being shunned like an Amish kid with a nipple ring. MICHAELS: To be fair, there have only been four plays so far. MILLER: I don't want to be a downer here, but how about throwin' the freakin' ball to the other side of the field, you know, cha-cha? You've got Westbrook drawing a bigger crowd than Anna Kournikova at the maximum-security lockdown at Rikers, while meanwhile the kid on the other side is lonelier than a hooker at a Star Trek convention. MICHAELS: George back to pass.and the throw to Westbrook falls incomplete. MILLER: Ah f**k it, where's my propeller hat? I want to find the psychotic network programmers who thought up this train wreck and point out that this shit has to be harder to watch than a sausage being made. When I took this job, they didn't tell me that I would be teamed with Pepe the Human Hamster on one side, and on the other a broken-down ex-quarterback who makes Jethro Bodine look like David Niven. I can still see the jelly on your forehead where the electroshock terminals were attached. MILLER: Hey, Aristotle, save some of the probing insight for the rest of us, OK? How come I'm getting the funny feeling that this is an episode of The Munsters, and I'm Marian, the normal one? Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but the useful comments coming from your side of the booth could be counted on the one hand of a bad wood shop teacher. The quip: "By the way, Bud Selig looks like Harry Potter in the 83rd volume in the series, 'Harry Potter and the Magic Prostate.'"įOUTS: I was in a Miller beer commercial, and your last name is Miller. The set-up: Miller explained that the city of Minneapolis was in need of some good news in light of MLB commissioner Bud Selig's efforts to eliminate the Minnesota Twins. The quip: "Well, I have all my money with my money manager MC Hammer and we just bought a moped factory in South Yemen, so I think I'm covered." The set-up: As the game, and the MNF season, wound down, Al gave Miller some investing advice, pointing out how low most of the stocks have fallen for dot-com companies that bought naming rights for sports stadiums and arenas. Here is a few classic Dennis Miller moments on Monday Night Football: I only wish Madden could have been there as well. Personally, I found this hilarious, but as many of the general public are on Fouts' intellectual level, I can see why Dennis Miller was never accepted. Al Michaels was obviously witty and caught much of Miller's humor, but Dan Fouts didn't have a clue.
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